John Gray, author of Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus, says wives should wash the dishes even though they do the cooking. I think he makes some excellent points in his book, but I disagree with him on this one.

John explained to me when we chatted at Book Passage in Corte Madera, California, that men should be able to retreat to their den to unwind after dinner. Women keep finding ways to occupy themselves with tasks nearly all the time anyway, because this is their nature. So if they don’t do dishes they’ll be working at something else.

In my experience, John Gray is correct in generalizing about women being more likely to be busying themselves doing something constructive more of the time than men who are prone to kick back for long periods of time in front of a TV, newspaper or book.

But if the wife would rather be working on the computer or doing some other task than cleaning up in the kitchen, she will appreciate her husband for handling that job. The arrangement will feel fair and she will feel happier and nicely supported by him.

I think it’s about her being able to choose how she spends her time rather than about her being expected to do dishes after she’s already knocked herself out preparing/cooking a nice meal.

Besides, if instead of feeling exhausted physically and emotionally from from cooking and cleaning up afterwards, a wife who experiences her husband as loving and caring will have more energy to be a loving, intimate partner.

What do you think?