In her book Eat Pray Love (page 18-19), author Elizabeth Gilbert shares the insight: “In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding that they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.”
How to deal with the “desperate love” challenge?
First recognize the all too common tendency in ourselves to expect our partner to fit into the mold we have fashioned. Doing so is the first step toward a mature acceptance of the partner’s right to be his or her authentic self–regardless of whether all aspects of that self please us.
What if your partner or a potential partner is viewing you through “desperate love” eyes?
Behave in ways consistent with your authentic self regardless of your partner’s or potential partner’s expectations for you to be different from who you really are. By doing so, you will escape the trap of being a victim of the other person’s desperate love, which may have little to do with the real you.
What it you’re having difficulty doing any of the above?
A skilled therapist can assist you in getting past obstacles to connecting your authentic self and expressing it in relationships. Partners in a good relationship are are respectful and accepting of the true nature of themselves and of others.